A friends husband recently became laid off from his job and has been helping around the house. His help has been much appreciated but has left my friend feeling guilty that he is able to get soooooo much done yet she feels she can’t do things as well as he does (she works away from home with different hours). I sent her the following sermon. . . . . Well, not exactly a sermon but an example of the difference between men and women and how we think.
When DH (darling husband) was working full time, how much help was he really? Right now his mind has one less thing to worry about (his job) and this frees him up to be helpful (even if he hands out sly comments here and there- LOL) You still have your job, you still have to make sure the kids clothes match, you still have to make sure the meals are at least slightly healthy, you still have to deal with keeping your internal calendar of events current and up to date as well as remember what’s on it. I’m going to guess that the following is your typical schedule (besides the fact that this is basically me, just re-tweeked a little):
Work until the middle of the night
Get up at the crack of dawn
Try to get a walk in- and while walking your mind goes between intermittent prayers of be with so and so and help me with this and that to “I’ve got this, this, this, this, and this to do and oh crap I’ve got to make this for a,b,or c child’s class” etc.
Get the kids dressed, fed, and to school by 8- while doing this you also are breaking up bickering fights and saying “you can’t wear that” and “just do it because I need to you to” etc.
Get back home in time to take the youngest to preschool
Perhaps run and errand or two after you drop youngest off.
You get home by lunch time, shove some food in your face and either get ready for another work day or try to regain some rest that you lost by working late the night before. While trying to recooperate from your previous work-day with a cat nap or a good book or an email, your mind wanders off to the back entrance of your subconscious and you accidentally let the father of guilt and lies into your head and let him beat you up for trying to have some me time. This bothers you to the point that you either give up completely or decide you better do something before DH notices that you are sitting around still in your sweats from your morning walk. If you do manage to get something done around the house, your mind again wanders off to whisper in your ear that the laundry is not folded nice enough and washing one dishwasher load and leaving the rest is not good enough. Not to mention the whole time this is going on you are also reviewing that calendar in your head again trying to remember when you work next, who has what practice, when DH needs those dress pants cleaned, where your uniforms are, do the kids have clean undies, is there enough milk in the fridge. Then all of the sudden you glance up at the clock just in time to realize that the kids will be home from school in about 10 min and you feel like you still haven’t accomplished anything or gotten a real rest in! The kids come home bickering about the day, telling you how starved they are and how much homework has to be done. All the sudden it’s 5:00 and your supper is still frozen and you have to be somewhere by 6:00. You throw some grilled cheese onto the skillet and shove it down everyone’s throats as your race out the door only to get there with moment’s to spare. By the time your appt is over, it’s after 8:00 and the homework is only half completed and the kids are exhausted. You write some lame excuse to the teachers about an emergency at home to get the kids off the hook for their homework and put them to bed. You plop down for 1 meesly hour of t.v. before dropping into bed. . . . . Need I say more!? Yes, I do- I forgot DH
When DH was working this was probably his day:
Get up at the crack of dawn and get ready for work. Hollers “where’s my socks?” and “where’s those pants I needed?” despite the fact that they are in plain sight to the woman of the house- he can’t see them
He shoves some breakfast in his face and goes to work and wonders to himself “geez DW (Darling Wife) looked awfully grouchy this morning- must be PMS again- YIKES!”
He puts in his 8 hours at the plant and jokes around with his co-workers all day (or argues with them, depending on the day).On the drive back home he remembers that he has practice tonight.
He comes in the house and looks around and says to himself, “what does she do all day long, nothing? I better not say much though with that PMS that seems to last 3 weeks out of the month”
He tells DW he has practice, changes his clothes, grabs a snack, perhaps reads the mail, says hello to the kids and then yells at them for getting all wound up (despite the fact that he has just tickled or teased them for 5 minutes straight)
He heads out the door with perhaps an “I love you”
He comes home after DW has left with the kids for their appt and wanders around the house trying to figure out what his wife has doing all day.
It’s not quite dark so he goes out and tinkers in the garage on this “important” project and then plops down with the remote to wait till everyone comes home.
When the door opens, the kids are fighting because they are over-tired and he yells from the couch, “keep it down out there! I can’t hear the t.v.!”
When DW finally joins him on the couch, she falls asleep and he gets upset because once again, “she’s tooooooo tired for it again- I swear she just makes up excuses to get out of it – obviously she shouldn’t be tired- nothing got done today anyway!”
If you noticed, I kept referring to how our brains are constantly swirling with thoughts and plans etc. Men do not do this! They put work in the work compartment and kids in the kid compartment and don’t mix the two. We women multi-task everything!!! This puts increased stress and exhirts more energy on us. Now with him not working, he is just filling his time up with stuff around the house. Your shedule and multi-tasking has not changed!!! Be thankful for the help, even if it includes off-handed comments. If you have to, repeat the following out loud, “I am lovable and capable. Satan, you must leave my brain! In the name of Jesus, get out of my head! I am worthy of Jesus love and grace and I am worthy of the help my husband is giving me! I am lovable and capable!!!”