Category Archives: Husband Taming Tips

LOL- This is another one of those- I’m still learning right along with the rest of you! He can drive me utterly crazy some days and other days I could just kiss the ground he walks on. This will probably be mostly Biblical in nature.

True Inner Beauty or Submissive Doormat? You be the judge!

The word “submit” can send steam out of the ears and nose of many women (and men).  Visions of wives who are mere slaves to their spouse enter the minds of so many when they hear that word.  

Let’s look at the word itself.  Webster’s Collegiate Dictionary’s first definition is:  To give over or yield to the authority of another.

Still shooting daggers at me?!  yeah, I know. . . .

Let’s look at the word in another context.  Have you ever entered something in a contest?  Have you ever turned in written reports to your boss?  Have you ever asked someone, “what do you think”?  All of these things are submissions- you are yielding to the authority of another.  Entering something in contest, you submit your entry to the judge’s findings.  When you turn in a report to your boss, a good boss will take your work and evaluate it fairly.  You submitted to their evaluation.  Get it?  A judge, boss, or friend- you would not consider any of them to be doing evil to your psyche (I know, there are exceptions, but bare with me here!), would you?  It’s their job to take your submission and evaluate it and say what they believe should be done with it.    They are not making you not count.  They are not trying to diminish your worthiness or crush your spirit.  They are simply doing the job that was given them.    The same is true of husbands and wives. . . . . .

 shoot me now. . . .

We all know of the “wives submit to your husbands” verse in the Bible.  It is found in I Peter (yes, the other possible devotion from yesterday. . .).  Instead of having you read it in a traditional translation and just upsetting you more, I want you to hear The Message translation, keeping in mind that it is merely a different translation of the word , but the author still means submissive.

I said it again, submissive- yikes, I am really feeling brave today. . . .

I Peter 3:1-7  The same goes for you wives:  Be good wives to your husbands, responsive to their needs.  There are husbands who, indifferent as they are to any words about God, will be captivated by your life of holy beauty.  What matters is not you outer appearance- the styling of you hair, the jewelry you wear, the cut of your clothes, but your inner disposition.  Cultivate inner beauty, the gentle, gracious kind that God delights in.  The holy women of old were beautiful before God that way, and were good, loyal wives to their husbands.  Sarah, for instance, taking care of Abraaham, would address him as “my dear husband”.  You’ll be true daughters of Sarah if you do the same, unanxious and unintimidated.  The  same goes for you husbands:  Be good husbands to your wives.  Honor them, delight in them.  As women they lack some of the advantages.  But in the new life of God’s grace, you’re equals.  Treat your wives, then, as equals so your prayers don’t run aground.

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Cooking doesn’t have to be difficult or expensive

My niece called the other day.  She’s a newly-wed (aaaah- isn’t that special!!!) and trying to figure out what kinds of things that her husband will enjoy and what is simple and inexpensive.  I answered her questions the best I could and I did a lot of listening.  When I got off the phone I remembered more of my own days as a newlywed.  I would work so hard at preparing these wonderful meals and then find out that they were not what my husband was used to eating or that he didn’t like it.  My husband kept telling me to just make him plain food.  I kept thinking that it sounded totally boring and not “good enough” to make him just plain old food.  Then something happened.  . . . . . .our church was called upon to do an after funeral meal for a family in the church.  I needed to make a dessert for it but I really didn’t have much of anything on hand and I didn’t want the expense of another trip to town.  I had a box of jello and a container of cool whip and my husband insisted that it would be good enough- to send plain jello with cool whip on top.  So, I did just that.  Well, I was also a volunteer server at the meal and after everyone ate, many of them (as is tradition) came up to our kitchen serving window to thank us.   Time after time people stopped by and complimented the jello!!  Questions like, “who made that wonderful jello?” and comments like, “that jello just hit the spot” poured in through that window.  I was amazed that something so simple could be soooo impressive!!!  So often when we visit other people’s homes for a meal we are greeted with their best food cooked to the fanciest of their ability.  This is all fine and good but it is not expected that every meal in every home in America be fancy or the best cuts.  Family is about spending time together not about having to do the absolute perfect meal at every opportunity.  Just regular, plain food is good and good for you!

And that’s what it’s really all about.  Meals like a fried ham sandwich with a bowl of fruit sometimes just hit the spot.  Or what about plain grilled cheese with tomato soup?  Here’s some ideas of just plain good cooking that are served often in our home.  If you need recipes, just comment on my blog and I will be happy to add them for you at a later time!

  1. Crunchy or Soft Tacos made with beef, lettuce, cheese, and taco sauce.  Served with a bowl of fruit.
  2. Grilled Cheese Sandwiches and Tomato Soup (or Chicken Noodle)
  3. Ham and egg sandwiches on toast with fruit and raw veggies
  4. Macaroni and Cheese (Kraft really is the best box brand- homemade is always better though!)
  5. Sunday Dinner – Beef Roast with potatoes and carrots and onions (optional) baked in same pan in oven.
  6. Boiled Dinner- Smoked Sausage (cut in slices), potatoes, green beans, and onions boiled together until done
  7. BLT’s with a hearty side of cheese and a nice dessert of ice cream or pudding
  8. Chicken and Biscuits with Jello for dessert
  9. Potato Soup with Corn Muffins and raw veggies
  10. Chili
  11. Lunchmeat Sandwich served with lettuce, cheese, and mayo with chips and dill pickle
  12. Stew served with hearty bread and butter
  13. Egg Salad Sandwich with fresh veggies and an apple
  14. Hash
  15. Salmon patties with boiled potatoes and green beans
  16. Beef and noodles with broccoli cheese
  17. Creamed Beef, Tuna, or Eggs on Toast served with mashed potatoes and corn
  18. Hamburgers, potatoes, and baked beans
  19. Broiled pork chops with rice and peas
  20. Stir Fry

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Want your husband to treat you like a queen?

Preface: I highly encourage anyone who reads this article to also read the comments others have sent in. Many of the readers who commented have wonderful ways of saying what I have wrote in a different ways.   They may speak to your heart better than me!

Treat him like a king!!!  Going out of your way to make someone feel good about themselves and helping them in any way you can only encourages them to do the same for you.  Stop whining about how much crap you get from your husband and think about how much crap you give to him.  We preach at our kids to give respect in order to get respect but we don’t even do that to our spouse?  What kind of example are we setting?  The more you focus on how awful of a man he is, the more awful he will become!!!  I challenge you to write down, on paper, a prayer to God asking him to turn your husband into the kind of man you want him to be.  But do not be surprised if your buttons then get pushed.  Sometimes, God answers our prayers for other people by changing us!  You want to feel loved?  Hand out love.   You want to feel appreciated?  Hand out some appreciation.  You want to feel respected?  Give some respect away!  DO UNTO OTHERS WHAT YOU WANT THEM TO DO TO YOU

Book suggestion: Created to be his helpmeet by Debi Pearl

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perfection

Did you know that insisting on perfection actually inhibits success? Why is perfection engrained into so many of our minds? Why do so many of us self-talk ourselves into thinking we’re failures because our homes are not perfect or our kids can’t behave or our latest project turned out less than we expected?

Our family is involved in 4-H and a few years back I entered homemade biscuits into the adult exhibits. I decided on biscuits because my time was running short and I did not have time to make my favorite exhibit- pie. I didn’t want to not do something because the adult exhibit area had been decreasing in popularity and I was involved in the home extension (organizers of the event). So I made my biscuits. I couldn’t get them to look exactly alike in size or height but I picked the best ones and took them to the fair.

I didn’t even stay for the judging because I doubted that my, as I perceived them, crooked and uneven biscuits would not get very far in the contest. I took the kids to walk around the fair and before we left I was stopped by lady after lady asking me how I made my biscuits!!! Finally, I asked someone I knew well what the deal was about my biscuits and she informed me that not only had I won in the quick bread division but I had one best of show over all the other baked goods! Crooked and uneven biscuits!!!

Now if I could only take my biscuit lesson and transfer it to my home!!! Getting rid of the “perfection” is harder when it’s only me that is counting on my getting something done. Granted, I have a husband and kids but still- if I can’t keep the house at least imperfectly straightened up for me it won’t make any difference to them.

So, I’m off once again to see what I can accomplish in 2 hours time to give my home a WHBH (weekly home blessing hour). As the Flylady says, “Housework done incorrectly still blesses your home!” As I work, I will be praying for all of the other perfectionists out there that all of us will be able to do something to show signs of improvement instead of doing nothing because we can’t do it perfectly.

Remember the biscuits!!!

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Men are Different from Women

A friends husband recently became laid off from his job and has been helping around the house.  His help has been much appreciated but has left my friend feeling guilty that he is able to get soooooo much done yet she feels she can’t do things as well as he does (she works away from home with different hours).  I sent her the following sermon. . . . . Well, not exactly a sermon but an example of the difference between men and women and how we think. 

When DH (darling husband) was working full time, how much help was he really?  Right now his mind has one less thing to worry about (his job) and this frees him up to be helpful (even if he hands out sly comments here and there- LOL)  You still have your job, you still have to make sure the kids clothes match, you still have to make sure the meals are at least slightly healthy, you still have to deal with keeping your internal calendar of events current and up to date as well as remember what’s on it.  I’m going to guess that the following is your typical schedule (besides the fact that this is basically me, just re-tweeked a little):

 
Work until the middle of the night
Get up at the crack of dawn
Try to get a walk in- and while walking your mind goes between intermittent prayers of be with so and so and help me with this and that to “I’ve got this, this, this, this, and this to do and oh crap I’ve got to make this for a,b,or c child’s class” etc.
Get home by 7
Get the kids dressed, fed, and to school by 8- while doing this you also are breaking up bickering fights and saying “you can’t wear that” and “just do it because I need to you to” etc.
Get back home in time to take the youngest to preschool
Perhaps run and errand or two after you drop youngest off.
You get home by lunch time, shove some food in your face and either get ready for another work day or try to regain some rest that you lost by working late the night before.  While trying to recooperate from your previous work-day with a cat nap or a good book or an email, your mind wanders off to the back entrance of your subconscious and you accidentally let the father of guilt and lies into your head and let him beat you up for trying to have some me time.  This bothers you to the point that you either give up completely or decide you better do something before DH notices that you are sitting around still in your sweats from your morning walk.  If you do manage to get something done around the house, your mind again wanders off to whisper in your ear that the laundry is not folded nice enough and washing one dishwasher load and leaving the rest is not good enough.  Not to mention the whole time this is going on you are also reviewing that calendar in your head again trying to remember when you work next, who has what practice, when DH needs those dress pants cleaned, where your uniforms are, do the kids have clean undies, is there enough milk in the fridge.  Then all of the sudden you glance up at the clock just in time to realize that the kids will be home from school in about 10 min and you feel like you still haven’t accomplished anything or gotten a real rest in!  The kids come home bickering about the day, telling you how starved they are and how much homework has to be done.  All the sudden it’s 5:00 and your supper is still frozen and you have to be somewhere by 6:00.  You throw some grilled cheese onto the skillet and shove it down everyone’s throats as your race out the door only to get there with moment’s to spare.  By the time your appt is over, it’s after 8:00 and the homework is only half completed and the kids are exhausted.  You write some lame excuse to the teachers about an emergency at home to get the kids off the hook for their homework and put them to bed.  You plop down for 1 meesly hour of t.v. before dropping into bed. . . . . Need I say more!?  Yes, I do- I forgot DH
 
When DH was working this was probably his day:
Get up at the crack of dawn and get ready for work.  Hollers “where’s my socks?” and “where’s those pants I needed?” despite the fact that they are in plain sight to the woman of the house- he can’t see them
He shoves some breakfast in his face and goes to work and wonders to himself “geez DW (Darling Wife)  looked awfully grouchy this morning- must be PMS again- YIKES!”
He puts in his 8 hours at the  plant and jokes around with his co-workers all day (or argues with them, depending on the day).On the drive back home he remembers that he has practice tonight.
He comes in the house and looks around and says to himself, “what does she do all day long, nothing? I better not say much though with that PMS that seems to last 3 weeks out of the month”
He tells DW he has  practice, changes his clothes, grabs a snack, perhaps reads the mail, says hello to the kids and then yells at them for getting all wound up (despite the fact that he has just tickled or teased them for 5 minutes straight)
He heads out the door with perhaps an “I love you”
He comes home after DW has left with the kids for their appt and wanders around the house trying to figure out what his wife has doing all day. 
It’s not quite dark so he goes out and tinkers in the garage on this “important” project and then plops down with the remote to wait till everyone comes home.
When the door opens, the kids are fighting because they are over-tired and he yells from the couch, “keep it down out there! I can’t hear the t.v.!”
When DW finally joins him on the couch, she falls asleep and he gets upset because once again, “she’s tooooooo tired for it again- I swear she just makes up excuses to get out of it – obviously she shouldn’t be tired- nothing got done today anyway!”
 
If you noticed, I kept referring to how our brains are constantly swirling with thoughts and plans etc.  Men do not do this!  They put work in the work compartment and kids in the kid compartment and don’t mix the two.  We women multi-task everything!!!  This puts increased stress and exhirts more energy on us.  Now with him not working, he is just filling his time up with stuff around the house.  Your shedule and multi-tasking has not changed!!!  Be thankful for the help, even if it includes off-handed comments.  If you have to,  repeat the following out loud, “I am lovable and capable.  Satan, you must leave my brain!  In the name of Jesus, get out of my head!  I am worthy of Jesus love and grace and I am worthy of the help my husband is giving me!  I am lovable and capable!!!” 

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More On Why I Love the Message Bible

I received a comment on my previous post about the Message Translation of the Bible.  I have chosen not to allow the comment to be put on my web page.   I could tell by the short comment that this person does love the Lord and is only trying to do what they see as “the right thing to do” but my goal of this blog is to bring encouragement to people and to offer my thoughts and suggestions on subjects that interest other people in situations similar to my own.   My goal in discussing the Message Bible is not to have a theological debate about it’s worth and accuracy.  My goal in discussing it is to share with people that God uses many forms to teach and share His love for all of us. 

There are Christians in all walks of life.  There are well educated Christians, there are illiterate Christians, there are simple minded Christians, there are theology scholars who are Christians. 

Every Sunday my pastor and all the other pastors of the world stand before us Christians and give us their personal interpretation of what the Bible means.  They read from it, study it, study other books about it, etc and then share with us what they have learned and how the Bible instructs us to live our daily lives- as our pastor has interpretted it.   To me, the Message Bible is very similar to my pastor- just in written form.   I am college educated and have learned more about living my life according to Christ through reading the Message Bible, listening to a “down home” pastor, and answering questions from a dear man who is very intelligent but not well read than I have ever learned through a King James Bible, a New International Version, a Scofield, or any pastor who has spoken to me basing his information on theological beliefs. 

Studying the scriptures is the best way to learn what God was/is  trying to say.  I do not believe that God intended for all of us to argue about which translation is truly “of God” and which ones are not.  All of them, I believe, are serving a purpose for God.   People who are highly educated might find certain translations to work best for them, illiterate people might learn about God only through word of mouth,  simple minded people might learn more about God by reading common language and listening to the common man.  All of these people are different and all of them need a different form of God’s word to help then learn to be more like Jesus.

If you are one of those people who feel that Christianity is not for you because the Bible makes “no sense”, I encourage you to try the Message Bible.   If you are one of those people who is well read in scripture and can understand more complicated or more exact translations, then please do so.  We all love God and He instructs us to love everyone – He does not specify. . . . . . . God uses the broken, the abused, the simple-minded for His purpose.   How many famous people of the Bible that served God well were well educated and without many flaws?  Not many, I’m afraid.  He uses those who cannot speak well and speaks through them.  He uses those who are dying and heals them so that they can spread His message.  He uses those who disobey his commands and works through them to bring greatnes to His kingdom.  He uses the shy and timid to bring about great change.  I could go on and on. . . . .

God can and will use the Message Bible to bring more people to Christ.  He has already and he will continue to . . . . .

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My philosophy

My girlfriend emailed the other day asking me about what my boys did as far as chores and stuff.  She had realized that her boys were probably capable of more than she had given them credit for and wanted to start a chore/reward chart.  Well, I replied and gave her a lengthy list of what all my boys were capable of (not necessarily what they actually do to help out but what I know the know how to do).  She then replied back to me that I had just won the Mother of the Year award or some mumbo jumbo like that.  I replied back with my philosophy of life: 

 Anyway, the more I live the more I have relaxed.  We are messy people.  I don’t like to pick up after everyone, I hate laundry, I hate sweeping the floor (my dh did this last night bTW), etc  I feel guilty when someone comes over but I have to give myself credit that I am doing more than I was 6 months ago.  And 6 months ago was doing more than the 6 months before that.  The more I live the more I realize the effects of  being simple minded.  Knowing basic things like:

1.you are loved, no matter what                           

2. forgive and forget

3. making messes is fun, cleaning them could be 

4.life is good if you decide that it is, no matter what. 

The more I think about my life and how mine is different than it used to be the more I am glad that it is different .  Simple is simple and that is good.  Christianity does not have to be and should not be, in my opinion, about specific doctrines or even about thinking deep thoughts on the subject.  To me, Christianity is simple. 

 It is this:  God made everything including people and He loved ALL of it. 

God was upset with how people were disrespecting Him and His stuff. 

God made Jesus. 

God loved the people He made so much that He willingly gave up His Son to save us from our own selves. 

There is heaven waiting for those who accept this all powerful love. 

Life should be based on these same principals.  With that, my boys have learned what they’ve learned because they want to learn it.  Life is good because we decided that it would be.  Teaching my boys how to do stuff is also teaching them how to take care of God’s stuff (because it all truly is God’s stuff: our bodies, our homes, our animals, etc)  Make it simple, make it fun, make your child’s way of doing it good enough!!!

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