Want your husband to treat you like a queen?

Preface: I highly encourage anyone who reads this article to also read the comments others have sent in. Many of the readers who commented have wonderful ways of saying what I have wrote in a different ways.   They may speak to your heart better than me!

Treat him like a king!!!  Going out of your way to make someone feel good about themselves and helping them in any way you can only encourages them to do the same for you.  Stop whining about how much crap you get from your husband and think about how much crap you give to him.  We preach at our kids to give respect in order to get respect but we don’t even do that to our spouse?  What kind of example are we setting?  The more you focus on how awful of a man he is, the more awful he will become!!!  I challenge you to write down, on paper, a prayer to God asking him to turn your husband into the kind of man you want him to be.  But do not be surprised if your buttons then get pushed.  Sometimes, God answers our prayers for other people by changing us!  You want to feel loved?  Hand out love.   You want to feel appreciated?  Hand out some appreciation.  You want to feel respected?  Give some respect away!  DO UNTO OTHERS WHAT YOU WANT THEM TO DO TO YOU

Book suggestion: Created to be his helpmeet by Debi Pearl

32 Comments

Filed under Husband Taming Tips

32 responses to “Want your husband to treat you like a queen?

  1. It is so simple and yet so true!! Sometimes a little difficult to initiate, but well worth the rewards!!

    Thank you

    Peace Love and Hugs from Above
    Diana Gardner-Williams

    • Jo

      That has all Ive been doing for five years. All I ever get treated like is a doormat. I have decided I am done. I work a job and he sits at home watching tv. If I ask for help around the house he treats me like the maid and screams at me. If anyone comes over he is nice to them. Our house almost looks like a slum, and he wont fix anything up. I don’t deserve this. I love it out in the country.Why should I move to an apartment,which I would hate. He is not accountable to anyone. There aren’t any churches who even support Marrige around here. He is addicted to pornography, Pot and pills. I am sick of him and his mental health workers who say I am interfering with his treatment. The pills they gave him make him violent, they just excuse it all. No help around here he just lies about everything.

  2. ann

    I recently stumbled onto some information from a book about the top five needs of married men and women. I decided to devote myself to try to fulfill my husbands needs with “no strings attached.” I am amazed at the transformation in our marriage!!! Not only did I find my new devotion a lot of fun, ( it’s more blessed to give than to receive) but amazingly, in return, he began meeting my needs that I’ve been desperately missing- this without me even asking (give and it shall be given back to you)! We’ve been married twenty-one years and have struggled through a lot of it, especially the last two years, but we are now on our second honeymoon!!!!
    Our teenagers are finally seeing what a loving marriage looks like, thankfully before they move out and get their own life. Thank you Lord for everything!!!!!!

  3. ruralmomof3

    Thank you, Ann!! You are a great reminder to me that it is all about the giving. Sometimes I find myself going back to the pouting and martyr feeling self and then something reminds me of what my purpose as a wife really is. Thanks again and I’m so proud of you and your spouse for being able to set a good example of what married life is all about!!! Best of luck to you!!

  4. Iris

    I’ve treated my husband like a king since the day we got married. I don’t really feel like I’m getting much in return. No, I don’t agree with you, this is definitely not the magic solution.

    • i concur … yet my man had major surgery and is on medication … but that is still no excuse to be downright mean, nasty, and ignorant.

      • ruralmomof3

        thanks for stopping by my blog, marianni!! I appreciate your reading it and hope there is food for thought on here that helps you grow as a person. When i read your comment the first thing that came to mind was this: how would you want to be treated after having major surgery and having to be on medication no matter how you acted? No it is not any fun to care for someone who is not very nice, but wouldn’t you rather see compassion if it were you in his shoes? Switch places with him in your mind and imagine what it would be like. I’ll be praying for his recovery and that God will soften both your hearts!

    • Sophie

      I agree with you, not because you give it your all that he will do the same. My husband’s father was not so nice to his mother so this is what he learned. I have cried alot but I remain open and willing to share my feelings with him. Magic solution – Let him know waht hurts and what he can do to make it better. If nothing changes – ask yourself if it is worth staying.

  5. ruralmomof3

    Iris- thanks for stopping by my blog. I appreciate your input and am sorry that your marriage is having difficulty. Treating someone kindly only for the sake of them returning the favor does not get us very far in life. Being kind and then complaining when others are not kind back is being a martyr. Marriage is not about what’s fair. Marriage is not about me. Marriage is about WE. It’s about going above and beyond for the other person because it’s the right thing to do.

    If your husband is not nice to you, I pray that you are not referring to abuse. If so, go to a safe place and seek help immediately or when it is safe for you to get away!!!

    If you are feeling overworked and under-appreciated I encourage you to take some time for yourself. Go for a walk. Read some scripture or poetry. Take time to rejuvenate yourself. Then, sit down with a piece of paper and write down all the things that your husband does right. Write down why you fell in love with him in the first place. Write down what you do appreciate about him. When you can write no more, re-read what you wrote down and focus on these things.

    Marriage is not about keeping score. Do the right thing just for the sake of doing the right thing. Every time we focus on how we’ve been wronged or under-appreciated our minds begin to slowly think of only those things. If we focus on doing the right thing because it’s the right thing and focus on the positive parts of others, our mind begins to slowly think only of those things.

    Don’t think this is some psychiatric mumbo-jumbo. This is real. I have experienced this myself.

    Praying for you and your husband, Iris!
    -ruralmomof3

  6. But I want to be a martyr...

    Just kidding… Maybe…. =-D

    Okay, I’m going to be honest here – ruralmom – I don’t want you to be right…. but I KNOW you are right!

    It does seem that so many times resentment seeps in for me – I ask myself “WHY” won’t he remember just ONE thing that is important to me? “WHY” won’t he say he recognizes and appreciates the sacrifices I have made to be his wife? “WHY” this and that – the list could go on and on…

    It is at these times I must sit back and pray and understand that I can’t make my husband understand or appreciate anything – and I also have to recognize that isn’t my job – my job is to simply love him for who God has created him to be. My job is to be a blessing to this man that I CHOSE to spend my life with – yes, I do wish there were different qualities about him, but I’m sure he wishes the same about me — neither of us is perfect, but God had a plan for us and it is up to us to make choices to have a happy life that is fulfilled and completed by our devotion to Christ and to each other.

    Not once in my entire life have I ever heard anyone say how “easy” marriage is – life is about choices and choosing to be happy and content in the life to which God has so greatly blessed us.

  7. ruralmomof3

    Amen to the martyr!!! (-;

  8. cookie

    Sorry to say, I have always tried to treat my husband like a king. Well, it never changed him one bit. He still neglects me and doesn’t give me one ounce of respect. I guess some men are just ignorant and emotionally abusive.

    • ruralmomof3

      thank you cookie, for visiting my blog. I would encourage you to read the comment/reply I put in here on 6/8/08. Another women commented very similar to you and I still feel that my original blog article and my comments to Iris (the other gal who commented like you) are right on target. If you honestly believe that your husband is being abusive, leave now! Abuse is not sanctioned by God and you need to get help. If you honestly believe that your husband is just a grouch and disrespectful, please try the suggestions in my blog article and the comments left here by other women who have experienced the same results that I have. . .. . You are in my prayers. . .

  9. Not a Puppet

    My alcoholic husband “demands” to be treated like a king. And I should do just that because “he” bought me a nice home, nice car and all the nice stuff in the house. I get this thrown in my face daily.
    I should always approach him for sex and initiate it and I should want all the BS that goes along with it. He wants what he wants and I shouldn’t expect anything in return.
    I put him through college. We have been together for 11 years and he quit his job shortly after we started dating…(I should have dumped him then) and I supported his alcohol addiction for 5 years.
    I hate the sight of him! He tells me to leave, but then when I start getting my clothes, he stops me and won’t let me go.
    And I’m suppose to treat him like a king. I refuse to treat any man like a king or submit to any earthly man!

    • ruralmomof3

      Thank you for visiting my blog. I encourage you to read through all the comments as well as my article. Let me advise you, however, my beliefs on husband and wife relationships do not extend to the “3 A’s”- abuse, addiction, and adultery. If any of these are happening in your home (and it sounds like at least one is, if not 2), you need to seek help immediately. Look up Al-Anon or Alcoholics Annonymous in your local yellow pages or contact a mental health agency and inquire about where you might go to an Al-Anon meeting. Al-Anon is for family members of alcholics. If you attend church or synagogue, I implore you to seed advice from your pastor.

      In Christian love,

  10. ruralmomof3

    Lord, I place “not a puppet” in your hands today. Give her strength to reach out and find the help she needs. Protect her physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Soften her heart and protect her heart from harm. Thank you! In Your name, Amen

  11. Rachel

    When a woman thinks she is less than a man, he will treat her as less than he is. To treat someone like ‘a king’ is to act like a subject. Very few kings love and treat their subjects as equals, and many become tyrants.
    My husband and I are very close, even thriving after an affair on his part, and I have found the secret is loving myself, celebrating who I really am, and all the glorious imperfections mortality brings with it. When I can do this for myself, I can do this for him, and for my children too. It is amazing how open and loving a home is when we are all allowed to be human, and loved for it. Love, in all ways, is the key. NOT DUTY!! NEVER STAY OUT OF DUTY! Duty is the antithesis of love. Many a human has been killed, shamed or dehumanised out of ‘duty’. A woman who lives by ‘shoulds’ lives a life where she never fully experiences the incredible joy of WANTING to do anything, of living within her the current of her own life’s purpose, of knowing joy. And what point is there to life without that? Open your eyes to things you love about your husband, his manliness, his hardworking nature, (whatever it is your partner excels at) even his grumpiness! But if he’s damaging you, your greatest responsibility is to yourself and to your children to get out/seek urgent help.
    Otherwise, expect nothing, and absolutely everything, in return! Have joy!

    • ruralmomof3

      The kind of “king” I am referring to in my article is not a tyrannical king that Rachel mentions in her first paragraph. The secret truly is loving ones self. Be strong enough in your own person to stand next to your husband as “his queen”, not behind him as his servant. If you feel you are being treated like a servant, you are most likely acting like a servant. A godly husband does not want a servant anyway. He wants a helpmeet to stand with him. Well said Rachel! Blessings to you. . . .

  12. sher

    Remember to treat yourself like a Queen also. It is important that you become that person to. So remember to know that you are worthy of love and all good things (and not in an arrogant or defensive way). You treat him like a king and treat yourself like a queen.

    Sher

  13. sher

    Remember to treat yourself like a Queen also.

    It is important that you become that person who you want to be. So know that you are worthy of love and all good things (and not in an arrogant or defensive way). You treat him like a king and treat yourself like a queen because you deserve to recognise that you are a queen and in that recogition your man will see you see yourself as a queen and he will treat you so.

    Sher

  14. Yea…treat others like the way you want to be treated…treat your spouse like aKIng..in return he/she will treat you like a queeen…remember…whatsoever you sow..you will reap….

    Gracious

  15. sandra

    Hi, I need advise, I honestly have to say I have a great man, he loves me, our daughter and he cooks, cleans and does laundry… he actually takes care of the house hold duties inside and out. There is one thing, my husband is very needy and very depressed person. He’s always looking to be appreciated and always looking for my affections. I work 2 jobs and I’m always running around doing things with my daughter or just working. I do love my husband, he is such a wonderful guy. My husband likes to be home a lot which me on the other hand I like to have a good time with my girlfriends after a long day of work. My husband does not like to go out with me, he never has enough money to take me out and he doens’t feel right that I have to pay for things, so his way is to just stay home. I’m tired of staying home, I like to do things and get away once in awhile or watch a movie at the theater or something. We’ve been going to counseling now for over 6 months now and he’s always blaming me for not treating him like the king of the house… okay maybe I did say it that i feel like I’m the king of the house because I’m the one that works everyday and I found a second job to support our family. I just feel sometimes my husband is a slacker, he content with drinks and cigrettes and food on our table. I dont’ think he worries to much about house bills like I do.

    My husband is a carpenter and he’s wonderful at what he does, he’s changed our house from an ugly duckling to a beautiful place to live… I love it and he gets plenty of compliments. Please help on how I can be a better wife to my husband?

    • ruralmomof3

      Thank you for visiting my blog! I wanted to tell you I was sorry that your marriage is not what you had hoped but there is hope! I would highly recommend reading the book, “Created to be his helpmeet” by Debi Pearl as well as any books by James Dobson on the subject of marriage.

      Often times in my own marriage I find that the things that first attracted me to my husband are now the things that drive me crazy. You might take some time to think about what first attracted you and remind yourself of the good qualities your husband has. Sometimes we focus so much on the bad that after a while that’s all we can see. It doesn’t mean that your husband has turned into a bad guy it’s just that sometimes we have to make special effort to focus on the good.

      The other thing that I picked up on in your email was that you are working 2 jobs and, if I understood you correctly, your husband is in the construction business. The Bible talks about how God made men to be the providers in a home. I’m not trying to say that you shouldn’t work. However, your husband may be feeling as if his financial contribution to the family is not good enough for you. Is it possible for you to cut back to one job and make ends meet with his income and one of your jobs? It is highly important that a man feel validated and being able to provide for his family is one way to get that validation. As women it is our job to make do with what is provided- we have the creativity to do this well! God made women highly creative and adaptable. The book of Proverbs (chap 31 is excellent) talks about this. Sit back and look at the family finances. If you have major credit card debt, check out Dave Ramsey or Crown Financial on the internet for help. Look at ways that you can make ends meet with less money.

      The other thing I noticed is that you like to go out with your friends and your husband likes to stay home. Did your husband stop being a friend? If one of your girlfriends invited you over for a “stay at home” movie night with the girls, would you go? This is another way to validate him and make him feel worthwhile- pump him up emotionally by staying home for snuggle time and watching CSI together (or doing something that doesn’t cost money). He may very well be preferring to stay home and smoke because he feels like crap physically and emotionally. Construction work is draining physically and he probably comes home very tired. Our homes are supposed to be our havens of rest- a sanctuary to come to and rid our minds of the day. Think about what might make your’s more relaxing for your husband- perhaps it’s just having you stay home with him or perhaps your home needs a little extra care to make it more organized and homey.

      So, these are my main points:

      Read the books I recommended
      Pay special attention to the things that first attracted you to him
      Look at your finances and find a way to work less and enjoy “no cost” fun
      Be your husband’s friend again
      Turn your home back into a haven or sanctuary that you both want to be in.

  16. BROKEN

    I love and adore my husband but many a time he does not treat me right- he has a knack for saying the things u just shouldn’t- that stab u right in the heart. We’re both damaged people who come from very hard lives and met each other when we were quite young- making a lot of mistakes- we weren’t walking God’s path, but we found eachother down the wrong path and wanted to save each other- we saw the good in each other and there was an unstoppable force like a magnet- making us be together- and that hasn’t changed- but now that we don’t do the wrong things we used to life has become alot harder- our finances are shorter(from quitting dealing) and we have no escape(drugs) when we feel hurt. Both our horrible pasts haunt us and I know how bad we just want to be the good people who go to church every Sunday and have the perfect family and I know how bad inside we still wanna save/heal each other- no one else could understand us but each other, but between me not being able to get pregnant, financial problems, and most of all our haunting pasts that hurt us anew each day. I feel our love falling apart- and we have the strongest love ive ever seen- no one was made for each other as much as we were. I’ve been trying to just treat him like a King, but every time we have the smallest disagreement it turns into him saying all types of horrible things- he doesn’t really mean- but still hurt me to the core- i try to talk to him, but he never takes fault- always lays the blame on me. I don’t know what to do- this is the man i was meant to spend my life with, but how will he ever change if he never sees fault with himself. Anytime a problem comes up he just brings up everything ive done wrong in my past- we argue about going to the store and it turns into i’m a slut(when i was 16-19 i made a lot of mistakes i regret, but i was a pained little girl inside who never had a father who just wanted to feel a man’s love), who cheated on him( and i did one time in the beginning of our 2nd time around after not speaking to eachother), but that shouldn’t have anything to do with now. I feel like if all he ever does is concentrate on what i’ve done wrong in the past- how will he ever change and treat me the way i deserve. Every day I feel like I am nothing- everytime he brings it up- im that stupid teenager again who isn’t of any worth to anyone, but leaving is no choice bcuz i am the moon and he is my son- i need him and as messed up as it may seem- his messed up love is the most love ive ever felt in my life. Pls help me. (and also he has very much lost his faith in God) I keep praying for God to show himself to him and for him to get some kind of wake up call and the sweet caring man who just wanted to protect me from all hurt will be who i wake up to- and it just isnt. I’m broken.

    • ruralmomof3

      Dear Broken- thank you for stopping by my blog. First off, let me tell you that I will be praying for both you and your husband that God will help you work through things and move on to a very bright future. God is with you!!! You said that you know he doesn’t mean the things he says. . . . I have not met the man but I bet you are right- he probably doesn’t have any idea how to handle the slightest disagreement because of his past. You also told me a lot of wonderful things – focus on the positive things. Make a list of all that is good and right and wonderful. Post that on your bathroom mirror or in a place that you can see it often. Next, pray as often as you think about it that God will make you into the kind of person who can show, by example, how living a Christian life is for your husband. Oftentimes our actions speak louder than words and I know from experience that more times than not, God has changed me and in turn, that has changed my husband. Pray that God will change you. Go to church, even if your husband refuses. Don’t beg him to go or argue about whether he is or not. Just go and set the example for him. I also encourage both of you to seek out a good counselor or therapist in your area. Many base their fees on your income and some pastoral counselors (or Catholic priests, even if you’re not Catholic) may see you for free. If your husband won’t go, that’s okay. You go without him. They will teach you coping skills and give you ideas on how to help him so that both of you can move on to a great future. Also, spend time with people who are positive influences in your life. In the meantime- pray, pray, pray and ask your Christian friends to do the same!! Being committed to this marriage is an excellent starting point and I am so proud of you for doing that!

  17. Obisha26

    Hi. I dearly love my husband, we were childhood sweethearts. Im 30 and we’ve been together for 14 years! Yes its been long challenging but happy years together. We have 2 adorable kids now. I just noticed that as time goes by he does’nt appreciates me anymore. He has a full time job and i also work every night. I do all the house hold chores and being a full time mom is the hardest one. I wonder what do i need to do or show to him for him to recognize and see the efforts and sacrifices that i made for our family. Im not a demanding wife i just wanted to be acknowledge sometimes. I appriciate everything he does, he is a good father and a good provider its just most of the time i feel like being taken for granted by him which is hurtful because i do love and respect him. we dont have any big issues in our marriage just this one. I know that he loves me i just can’t see and feel that he appreciates me. Please i need advise because im really hurt and feeling ignored by the man i choose to spend the rest of my life.

    • ruralmomof3

      Thanks for stopping by my blog! I struggle with the same things that you have described in your note and what I have found to be the most helpful are the following:
      1. Focus on what your husband is doing right instead of what he is doing wrong. You know that he loves you, he is a good father, and a good provider. If you focus on not feeling appreciated and being taken for granted, those things will eat at you and soon that will be all you can see when in reality there still good things.

      2. Spend time showing him that you appreciate him! Think about what kind of personality he is and how he receives expressions of love the best. Some men like it when you make them nice meals, clean out their car, etc. Some men find intimacy to be the best expression of love. Whatever it is that your man finds to be the most fulfilling, spend time on those things. Do these things no matter how you “feel”. Women feel and then act. Men act and then feel. Love is not a feeling first it is an action first.

      3. See if you can find time to “date” again. If you can’t afford a babysitter, see if there is another couple in your circle of friends who you could trade with. You watch their kids once a month and they watch yours once a month so that both couples can get re-acquainted with their spouses. If finding a babysitter is out of the question, stay up late once a month and have an at-home date after the kids go to bed.

      4. Pray, pray, pray. Write down what you want your husband to be and pray that God will help him to become those things. Pray that God will help you to be the best wife you can be. Then, don’t be surprised when months from now you notice things seem better!

      I hope this helps! Please know that I will be praying for you!

  18. mandy

    Make sense, though. So what if he cheats on me, then I have to cheat back on him? I’ll think about that.

    • ruralmomof3

      This is not a “get even” type of concept. It is a Golden Rule concept- Do unto others as you would have them do to you. It’s based on other Biblical principles as well.

  19. Chelle

    Oh dear where do i start. The part where we baby the men or the part where we depend on God. I will openly admit I lack in my relationship with God. I dont think he listens to me anymore. Otherwise I wouldnt be suffering as much as I do. But as much as I say that I dont blame God at all. Im sorry but for some men you can gravel at their feet and still not be loved. IF i were to leave a man to seperate its for mental stability until I reach a point of peace with God and return to him. Right now I struggle with everything my relationship with God and my marriage and my role as a mother..cant imagine a more confusing and failed household structure than that. To respond again to this article. Yes we should submit and treat a man with respect! I agree. but if the man neglects his wife in the areas she needs him most then its his fault. This article preaches about how a wife should be a mop and a broom but not how men should devote and care for theirs. This is what makes me angry and this is why im not strong enough to handle being married. I dont give up and but all this fighting to keep it stable and alone is tearing me apart. I dont know who I am anymore. I dont know where to start I have prayed but I have gone back to my old ways…I have no spiritual support no one. And trust me when I say because I’m not happy I am dying inside. So hats off to all the women strong enough to stay with their men thru thick and thin to those who prayed instead of nagging. who hoped but never gotten my love and support goes to you all!

    • ruralmomof3

      First of all, thank you for visiting my blog. 2ndly- I want you to know that I am praying for you, your husband, and your marriage. And 3rd, I would like to ask that you re-read the blog and all the comments more slowly while, at the same time, asking God to help you see what you might do to help your marriage. No where did I say to baby your man, no where do I say to gravel at the foot of your man. If you are being neglected by your man, are you also, in turn, neglecting him? No where do I say that women should be a mop or a broom but yes, you are correct in saying that I have not spoken of how a man should treat a woman- I would hope that there is a male blogger out there who is doing this- who understands the male perspective. Seek spiritual support if you have none. Open up your yellow pages and call the first church your finger points to and ask for help. No where did I say that I alone am a strong enough woman to stay through thick and thin- God is the only one who is strong enough to HELP me do this. . . I cannot do this alone. . .. through God alone. Prayers. . .

  20. Ellie

    But I do this all the time. I treat him like a king, and I calmly told him all I want is cuddles and affection… I don’t want to be wined and dined. I just want love but all he is interested in is Facebook. I cant cry anymore, I feel so low :(:(:( … I Wish it weren’t like this.

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